There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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