Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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