Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
