She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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