: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
