I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
