just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
