Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
