i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
