I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
