In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
