And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
