I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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