Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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