If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm passing your future prison.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
