You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
