I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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