People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
