Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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