I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think my moral compass just broke
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