It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
