She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
