I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
