Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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