I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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