Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
