i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
