It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize