Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
