In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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