You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
