Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
