All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
