You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
