Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
