do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
