The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
