One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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