...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
