I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
