Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and i looked up. we had an audience...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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