I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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