She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
