I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
