dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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