White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
