Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
