Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
