is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
