Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
