People with herpes should wear stickers.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize