Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
