Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
