btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
