Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
