carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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