there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
