listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
