i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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