So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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