I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
