I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i've created a new STD.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
