no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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