It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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