Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
