Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
