Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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