Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize