But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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