Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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