Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
