I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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