Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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