I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
