thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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