Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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