At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
