Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
