I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
