the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
