There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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