uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
