Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
