My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
