My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize